Millennials, It's (Finally) Time to Set Some Boundaries
By Sola Onitiri
Let’s talk about it.
Brace yourself, this is going to be a tough one.
Because setting boundaries is tough. Advocating for yourself is tough. And before you even arrive there, understanding why you need to set a boundary is tougher still.
This is part of a Holistic Self Care series that I’ve been working and meditating on for a while now (Thank you 2021 for the inspiration).
And I realize that my site has a tendency to be funny and fluffy with a little soap box moment at the end.
But allow me to to dig a little deeper here. And if it resonates, I hope that it helps you. Now, Let’s Get Going
Boundaries and the boundary maker
There are official definitions for the word boundary, but for the sake of not wanting to come in hot with the Webster’s Dictionary cold open, here’s the definition I will be using for the sake of this conversation.
Boundaries are spoken demands that dictate how a person expects to be treated in any given scenario.
Notice my use of the word, demand. I didn’t use the word “ask” or “request”. Demand indicates a hard line of demarcation. It implies a limit and a tough one at that.
If a boundary is not set with a demand it is not set at all.
So why is this so hard for some of us (myself included)? It almost feels cliche to say, and you probably know where I’m going with this but it starts from our childhood.
If you have issues setting boundaries in your life, it may be learned behavior from childhood. You could’ve grown up in a household where your privacy wasn’t respected. Maybe the response to you sharing your truth was always met with anger or ignored all together.
Perhaps, in darker homes and times, someone abused you. Or you witnessed fragrant and unchecked abuse or bullying. Maybe you were made to feel abandoned and unlovable.
No matter what led to your hesitance to set boundaries, please know this - you did not deserve the treatment you received.
You deserve to live a life and exist in a space that is comfortable, nurturing, and harmonious. Now, I know that the world is not set up to be comfortable, nurturing and harmonious all the time. However, you do deserve to arm yourself with the tools to advocate for yourself no matter what.
Whether it’s work, school, romantic, platonic - I don’t care what or where it is! It’s time to set your boundaries! And that work starts with you. Because before you can make demands (there’s that word again) for others, you must make some demands of yourself.
I’ve created a worksheet to take your through a few tenants of boundary setting. Like everything I do, it’s set up for you to take the reins. It’s a series of questions and thought-provoking statements that will hopefully get you in the mindset of thinking about a number of things.